One of the major causes of friction and problems in both personal and professional relationships is perceptual differences. It just seemed like a commonsensical concept when it was taught in Organizational behaviour, but it is an all encompassing topic.
How this affects behaviour and decisions of people is to be seen to be believed. But the good thing is, all of you would believe me because you would have seen it in action in your personal life. What classically happens is, one party has something in mind and acts according to it. However, the other party has a different mental image of the same situation, and sees the actions of the former in that light. When the mental models are different to start with, and the differences get consistently reinforced, and accentuated by actions pulling in different directions, the bubble is bound to increase in volume at a frightening pace and eventually meet its inevitable end – the bursting.
Pardon me for indulging myself and using pedantic and convoluted language, quite a departure from what I have generally trained myself to use, from two years of corporate life and a course in business communication. Pardon me for a little bit of sarcasm too, it is my favourite tool.
Continuing from the paragraph before last, this manifests itself in a lot of forms. One of the forms is when your mental image and biases cause the other person to act or behave in a way you expect them to. It must be clear that he really isn’t actually behaving in that way. Does it happen with oneself too? I personally have seen people religiously read up Linda Goodmans sunsigns, causing themselves to watch and conclude their own self behave in a way that Ms.Goodman proclaims is the way their sunsign is supposed to behave in. Whatsmore, they tend to explain phenomenon on the basis of it. Perhaps a method of satisficing too. To confess, this happened to me too when I read that book for the first time. More about my take on astrology and such predictions later, perhaps in another post.
Talking of biases and sunsigns takes me to a technically unrelated, but similar concept of the nature of human beings. It is rewarding to observe people and predict their behaviour, and spot trends. Theoretically proven I am sure, but it gives me a kick when I manage to trace people’s behaviour to their social background, upbringing, and traits of immediate family. Its is amazing to note that certain group of characteristics, very sophisticated ones, which cannot be put into words go together as a group.A person who exhibits one is likely to exhibit another.
For example, some people are averse to talking straight. They would employ indirect methods and avoidance to convey their displeasure. Quite remarkably and intuitively, such people are also more likely to take gut-feel decisions without really weighing the pros and cons.Also likely to be moody, the moods fluctuating between extreme cheeriness which is effusive, or a deep gloom, a sine curve multiplied by a large positive real number. Pair that up with a person who’s hell bent on having things in black and white, and foolishly relying on logic always. Such persons have sine curves multiplied by a real number between zero and one. Pair them- And you have an explosive mix, a pair of banging heads. What is the solution? Perhaps each should realise the others perspective. But likely solution : Heads get tired banging and give up. Which is also a desirable solution because it conveys appreciation and respect for views that you don’t understand or subscribe to. Example: You let a friend go because he/she wishes to, even though your ideology doesn’t allow you to subscribe to such “irrational” actions.
Sometimes that is the optimal way to get around, if not to solve the perception problem.
