When Nobody Around You Seems to Measure up, Its time to change your yardstick

So you’re pulling out your hair because your colleagues are so inefficient? Don’t seem to understand and do simple things right despite repeated coaching?

You’re exasperated because your girlfriend does’nt seem to understand your worries and seems to not care?

Wait before you shift all the blame to the world (and exhibit an external locus of control). It’s more likely you are the one at fault here. Each individual is unique and has her own set of characteristics. Note I did not say strengths and weaknesses because you are nobody to classify something as a strength or a weakness. They are just different characteristics, having different utilities at different times. The challenge is to be comfortable with the differences. In a given situation, identify people’s strengths and appreciate them. Support people to give their best the way they like it. And learn to derive utility from it. Also, be aware of the diversity in the world, and be tolerant in your measurement scale.

• Ex 1: Just because you yourself adhere to a certain regimen of planning ,or a certain pace of work doesn’t mean everyone else has to match up to it. If they don’t, it is not their fault. Otherwise the world would be full of “perceived perfect” clones, and there would be no fun. A last minute cancelled appointment is not such a big deal.

• Ex 2: If a colleague is uncomfortable working in your team, and doesn’t even communicate that to you, it is your failure, not hers. Learn to step into others shoes and look at issues from their perspective.

• Ex 3: You think your girlfriend has become too selfish of late and doesn’t care about you? Before judging, Wait! Are you misinterpreting the “independence” and “individuality” that attracted you in the first place as “selfishness”? Or are you missing an important event in her life which’s causing her to behave “differently”? You’re using a wrong yardstick, aren’t you?

• Ex 4: You think a friend is too “cavalier” in her attitude towards life and needs to be more serious? Before delivering a sermon, take a moment off to think of the lessons she’s taught you about the pleasures of enjoying life. Is’nt it the same “cavalier”- this time paraphrased as “cheerful/easygoing”- attitude which you appreciated in the first place? I repeat, appreciate differences in people.

Some Clarifications – Saving my skin: I need to clarify this doesn’t at all mean compromising on anything. An oft touted line is “If you expect nothing but the best, you usually get it”. This is irrelevant in this context due to the use of the word “best”. Which is too fuzzy and too relative. The challenge is to get the “best” pleasantly. Furthermore, this is not to tell you to go diametrically opposite and blame yourself for everything.(have a complete internal locus of control).That would be disastrous. The agenda is to sensitise you to the other side of it.

Ultimately, the aim is to attain a high level of harmony with the world, live in a climate of trust and positivity, and successfully bring more smiles than frowns to your own face and the faces of the people around you. All this while you do not compromise on your personal and professional goals.

Sounds idealistic? Lets give it a try nevertheless..