Crossroads

Protagonist(s): The typical young Indian woman in her early 20s, well educated, free, with a broad perspective of the world.

Disclaimer: The views are just opinions derived from observations and analysis of a biased male eye across a broad spectrum of females. And of course exaggerations at places to make the point. Each individual is unique and hasty generalisations might be grossly invalid. But food for thought nevertheless.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend I had come to admire. The discussion moved onto “purpose in life” and i was literally shocked and dumbstuck when she said the purpose was to “have two kids and enjoy on husband’s money”. Not for a moment am I suggesting that it is a bad purpose in life to have. But while it might have been said in jest, the undertones cannot be ignored. Especially when it came from one of the people who talk a lot of independence and freedom of choice. There are a lot of things for which you respect people and certain instances which erode that respect a lot. So how do we resolve this paradox?

For all the talk of progress and women’s liberation and choices for women, it is sometimes sad to note that choices and independence and individuality and freedom is defined very narrowly. As the freedom and choice to select your husband. And that becomes almost the only decision that matters in life. Talking of a decision making process, I was told “I won’t think that much even before my marriage”. The ultimate decision. And then two kids and happily ever after. Then the freedom to wear certain kinds of clothes, or drink or smoke or many small things.. But then is it freedom without responsibility? Like a little tween who rebels to have all the freedom to party and play with an assured supply of pocket money and the assurance that the parent would bail him out if ever he faces a crisis? How often have we accused the “chauvinistic Indian male” of constricting his wife and not allowing her career to blossom? Of course there is also the "clever" male who wants a wife who works but is “homely”. Nobody minds a double income.

Looking at the other extreme of the spectrum, one friend says marriage is the last thing on her mind and she would do it if ever she felt like it. Independence and independence through career is most important. She can’t even imagine how some girl could decide to marry and sacrifice her life. I was shocked again. Is marriage akin to sacrificing her life?. Now isn’t that tough to digest too? Irrespective of her career progress, would’nt she end up feeling “empty” ten years down the line? Does “progress” mean abandoning a family life and going for a mad rush? We know how the western societies have “evolved” in this context. But can “evolution” here be equated to “progress” or “for the better”?

Just to briefly touch on a whole can of worms, add to this the explicit reservations and the not documented but oh-so-explicit “affirmative action” and “equal opportunity” practices followed. Why then make such a big deal of the liberation and freedom?

So, for all the talk of liberation and “progress”, any typical young Indian woman finds herself at the crossroads today. Career decisions on one hand and the family pressure for “marrying and getting settled” on the other. The crisis multiplies manifold if she has a huge set of gosipping and matchmaking relatives on the one hand   and a set of ambitious peers on the other. The differences in response of each woman, the priorities and the behaviour she exhibits and the satisfaction derived from each aspect of her life may be shaped by the sociocultural context of her upbringing. Since India is a vast country of a zillion different languages, dozens of religions and beliefs, swanky metros, upcoming small towns, sleepy. villages. And of course, most importantly, the huge difference in personal characteristics of being a romantic, being dreamy, being ambitious, need for affiliation, need for achievement and so on.

I hope she finds her way and reconciles the discordance. All the best!